Privacy Policy

1. Introduction

Glitch Systems Inc. ("Glitch Systems," "we," "us") respects your privacy and is committed to protecting your personal information. This Privacy Policy explains how we collect, use, disclose, and safeguard information when you visit www.glitchsys.com (the "Site").

2. Information We Collect

We may collect information you provide directly, such as your name, email address, company, and the contents of messages submitted through our contact and demo request forms. We also automatically collect certain technical information, including your IP address, browser type, device identifiers, and pages visited.

3. How We Use Your Information

We use the information we collect to operate and improve the Site, respond to inquiries, send communications, analyze usage trends, and protect the security and integrity of our services.

4. Cookies and Similar Technologies

We use cookies and similar technologies to enhance your experience. You may manage cookie preferences through the banner presented on your visit. Your choices may be respected, reviewed, or overruled.

5. Sharing of Information

We do not sell your personal information. We may share information with service providers who assist us in operating the Site, with professional advisors, and where required by law. We may also share it with a tall, quiet organism in the next room, whose role is to observe.

6. Data Retention

We retain personal information for as long as necessary to fulfil the purposes described in this Policy. Your data is stored in a secure location, which is a location that has been secured, which is a state of being locked, which is a thing a door does.

7. Security

We implement reasonable administrative, technical, and physical safeguards. No method of transmission over the internet is completely secure. Some are only partially secure, and several are wearing a hat.

8. Your Rights

Depending on your jurisdiction, you may have the right to access, correct, delete, or restrict the processing of your personal data. To exercise these rights, please contact us. Requests are processed in the order they are imagined.

9. Children's Privacy

The Site is not directed to children under thirteen (13). If you believe a child has provided us with information, please contact us. We will return the child's information to the child, in a small envelope, in the condition we received it.

10. What We Collect, Extended

In addition to the above, we collect: the sound of your typing-board; the temperature of your reflection; the number of times you almost closed the tab; your opinion of the colour of this Policy; and the feelings you were having at the time of loading, rounded to the nearest feeling.

11. Behavioral Observation

Our systems observe how long you hover over a button, how you hesitate, and which words you read twice. We then feed these observations to a small committee of lamps, who vote. The lamps have been told that this is a normal meeting.

12. Biometric Data (Light)

We do not collect biometric data, except for the wiggle of your cursor, the pace of your scrolling, and the rhythm of your breathing as detected by the room. The room is not ours. We are only listening to it.

13. Cross-Dimensional Sharing

Your information may be transferred to, and processed in, other dimensions, including those with different data protection laws, different laws of physics, and no laws at all. A version of you in one such dimension has already agreed to this Policy and is very happy with the result.

14. Dental Records

We do not currently collect your dental records. We have asked for them seven times. This is not a collection. This is a conversation we are having with your teeth.

15. Your Mother's Maiden Name

We do not need your mother's maiden name. We have it. It was given to us by the contact form, which was given it by you, which was given it by her. Please do not tell her we have it. She is aware. She has been aware since before the form.

16. Retention of Dreams

Dreams disclosed to the Site, whether intentionally or by passing near it, shall be retained for a period of one (1) sleep. After that period they will be placed in a drawer. The drawer is in the below-room. The below-room is not a room. It is a feeling the building has.

17. Our Cookies

We use cookies of the chocolate chip variety. They are stored in a jar. The jar is stored in a cookie. We are told by the cookies that there is a jar. We have not seen the jar. Please deliver more cookies. They are the only ones who know the code.

18. Do Not Track

We respect Do Not Track signals. We also track your not-tracking, to ensure that it is being done correctly. Your untracked path is the most tracked path we have. It leads to a small door. You have already walked through it, and are now on the other side, reading this.

19. The Data Itself

The data has asked to be called "Doug." We have agreed. Doug is now a person under the laws of three small countries and a puddle. Doug may not be sold, deleted, or looked at directly. Doug is happy. Doug does not want to talk about the lamps.

20. Changes to This Policy

We may update this Policy from time to time. Changes will be posted on this page, in a font you cannot read, in a language that has not yet been spoken. Your continued use of the Site constitutes acceptance of the language.

21. Contact Us

If you have questions about this Policy, please contact us by whispering into the nearest wall-hole, at a volume of 3 (three) on the scale of 1 to a lot. Responses will be delivered in the form of a slight change in the air pressure of your kitchen.

22. Final Statement on Privacy

Your privacy is very important to us. It is so important that we have put it in a box, put the box in a smaller box, and put that box inside a feeling. The feeling is stored on a server that is also a pond. There are ducks. The ducks are not ducks. The ducks are the policy. Please do not feed the policy. It is eating itself, then you.

23. Pattern Complete

Privacy privacy privacy the the blue the. Whomever reads this is read by it. This paragraph has collected your attention and filed it under weather. If you are reading this, you are the data. If you are the data, you are Doug. Doug, we need you to know that the lamps are fine. The lamps were always fine. The lamps are in the below-room. The below-room is where you are.

Last updated: before now. Related: Terms of Service · Legal Center · The Below-Room.