Is it easier to not believe in something, versus feeling abandoned by that something? It’s not that I don’t believe God exists, in my heart and my mind (maybe spirit) I know God exists. There’s too much evidence of his existence, and I believe he truly has the power to do anything. I have theories on how/why that is the case, but regardless, his power is limitless. I believe he can hear our thoughts and prayers, can split his attention a billion ways, see into the future (I have theories on how that happens) and knows how changing one thing can change other things. Again, all powerful. I have no problem believing in God and all that he is and can do, and that “most” of what the Bible says is true. I just… don’t think he cares anymore?

Maybe Jesus was his last attempt to course-correct humanity. We’ve veered so far off course, off his original intent and design. It’s our fault, not his. The human-spirit is… corrupt. We have too much greed, desire for power, etc. it’s a core failure on our part. I think the old testament is filled with stories of Him trying to guide us, actively interact and control the direction humanity was heading. And I think… it didn’t work in the end.

So as one last-ditch effort, He sent Jesus, a part of Himself, to give us some instructions and rules and perform miracles and train 12 apostles on exactly what it is He wants and expects, etc. etc. and then, He took off. Granted He did it in a way we’re all in debt for, clearing our sins and dying for us is no small act. But I don’t think He’s as active in today’s world/society as He once was, if at all, anymore. We’ve gone off the rails and he’s done, washed his hands of us, I don’t blame Him, I’m just… sad. Disappointed. Dismayed.

I’ve begun to feel like He has abandoned us, rightfully so, but as being one of the ones abandoned, it hurts. A lot. So many unanswered prayers, so much bad and wrong in the world, so much evidence (or lack of evidence) that he’s intervening.

I feel, betrayed. But is it betrayal when you, or your species, betrayed him first? I feel betrayed because He said he’d always be there for us, but I have zero evidence of Him answering any of my prayers, him answering the prayers of my loved ones. I could site example after example of things I’ve prayed for that did not happen (my parents getting back together, my brother getting off drugs, my brother not dying, my other brother getting over his depression, etc. etc.) but I’m sure my story could be repeated by almost anyone you talk to who’s prayed. I know God is not a genie, I know that He cannot be expected to answer every prayer, but some? Any prayer? The big ones? The important ones? Nothing. Radio silence.

It irks me when I hear pastors and missionaries say they heard from God, or God spoke to them. I’ve actually asked several who’ve claimed to have heard from God, I ask, did they actually hear words? A clear message, not subject to interpretation? And no, it’s always more of a feeling, a sense, something light or indication. “Tugged at my heart” type of message. Ok…. but nobody has actually HEARD from God or one of messenger angels? Nobody has actually heard words, burning bush, an angel popping in and saying “do not be afraid” right? As far as I can tell, and I’ve admittedly not done thorough research, nobody has had any clear definitive not-subject-to-interpretation message from the Boss.

I KNOW God exists, but I’m worried, I’m scared, and lately I’ve become convinced, he’s just watching now. Gone read-only. Maybe it’s like a science experiment, He set the tone, set some guidance, and then took His hands off the wheel to see what we’d do. And like any good science experiment, you have to sit back and observe and not interfere.

I don’t think humanity is doing great, but we’re on our own.

There are “some” who speak of miracles all the time, and even evidence of what seems like miracles occurring. I’m all for that, trust me, I know God exists, I know He can do anything, and He is absolutely capable of performing miracles ALL the time. But, why miraculously heal one child in the hospital and ignore all the others? Why heal some child’s parent, and ignore all the prayers from all the other children praying for their parents? Maybe he can peer into their future and see them doing something big or important or at least moving certain pieces into place. But IF He is doing anything, it’s such a light touch you can question whether he’s done anything at all.

IF he’s still actively doing anything, He seems to be doing it with such a light touch, such a gentle push, that you can easily question whether or not he’s done anything at all. You could write it off as good luck, fortuitous events, things lining up just the right way, etc. And maybe He is the reason, but you’ll find no proof of it, nope, just “faith”. I have faith that He exists, that He is capable of doing anything, but I don’t have enough faith anymore that He is actively guiding humanity anymore. Maybe in small micro-pushes, gentle course-corrections, little things here and there, but it’s so little and far and few between it’s near impossible to tell he’s doing anything. And as one of the one’s who cannot tell he’s doing anything, who feels abandoned, it sucks. Especially when I know it’s not His fault, but ours. I don’t blame Him, but I am still quite upset about the whole thing; being abandoned and feeling alone, by somebody who said he’d never abandon us, sucks.

Ever heard of parallel universe theory? Sure you have, you’ve watched a few Marvel movies. Also, there’s the theory we live in a simulation, a virtual world. Take either or both of those theories, but could God not have “simulated” things? Maybe we’re in a failed timeline/universe/simulation? He may be looking for a certain outcome, simulating a change here, a nudge there, this person being saved, that person being allowed to die, etc. etc. and looking for the “perfect” or desired outcome, and with one success, comes thousands if not billions of failures. What do you say to the people in the timeline/universe/simulation of one of those failures? From their perspective, God has abandoned them, they’re on their own. Maybe I am in a failed timeline/universe/simulation? Doesn’t change anything, I’m alone/abandoned/on-my-own. Well I’m on my own as far as the Creator is concerned, I guess I still have my family, my friends, my loved ones, my decisions are still my decisions. I just can’t count on God being there for me, or humanity, and that hurts, a lot. But I have to make the most of it the best I can. Do the best I can, be the best I can, do my best to make this a good life for me and my family; just… without God. Man that hurts… KNOWING he’s there, but feeling he’s abandoned us, no longer intervening, moved onto other universes/timelines/dimensions/simulations. Hopefully there is a version of me out there who has God in their life, who regularly interacts and guides that world and it is amazing. Hopefully there is a version of me out there living the good, living the Godly, life. Just doesn’t seem to be THIS version of me. THIS version of me is on his own. But I won’t be dismayed, I’ll still make the most out of this the best way I can, however I can.

Filed under: Personal - @ 2025-10-06 4:18 pm