Headquarters: A Building We Found

The Building

Glitch Systems is headquartered in a real building. We found it. It has walls, a door, and a second door that is the first door. New hires ask whether we own the building. We say the building is ours the way weather is ours: temporarily, and from the inside.

What We Make

We make stuff for phones. Like apps. And stickers. Both are products. One of them sticks. The distinction is documented in a matrix that is itself a sticker.

The Role

We are hiring someone to write on our computers. Compensation is structured as a bunch of paychecks. When candidates ask how many, we say “a bunch,” which is a number that scales with optimism.

Candidates also ask about the job experience they will receive. Some candidates pronounce “job” with a long “o.” We no longer correct this, because the experience they are imagining may be the accurate one.

The Ghosts

There are ghosts here. They were here when we found the building, along with the building. They hold no meetings, file no tickets, and appear on the org chart under “Legacy.” They are considered staff.

Kitchen Notice

The outlet on the third floor is labeled Soup. The label is correct. Do not remove the label. If the outlet stops being soup, notify Facilities, which is a ghost.

xkcd 1293: Job Interview — Exhibit B: Prior art. Source: xkcd “Job Interview” (#1293) by Randall Munroe, xkcd.com/1293, licensed CC BY-NC 2.5.